And the Daytime Drama Award goes to....

Here is our story, which we join already in progress:  Dear, sweet, fluffy and somewhat dumb Phyllis has been nursing a head wound for the last several days because her husband Col. Sanders got a bit rough with her when they were having sex one hot evening (or several).

Victim. (Portrayal by actress)

Basically, she is now bald and bleeding on the back of her head!  Also in the hospital ward, plump, predictable and very gentle Miss Shippy is on confined bed rest, due to her being attacked by a vicious dog from down the street.  In the meantime, everyone is wondering what will become of that two-faced cad Col. Sanders once his crimes have become known, and they are nervous about Phyllis coming into contact with him before then.

Police artist's sketch of perpetrator, Col Sanders, also known to use the alias "Bucket o' Cluck."

Another favorite character, the tall, dark and ever-lovely Miss Hawk, has gone missing for several weeks now, only briefly reappearing at the neighborhood watering hole before taking off again.  Rumor has it, she may have several secret children and be keeping them and their identities under cover!  Because we all know Col. Sanders gets around when he's not busy abusing poor Phyllis. And if he's that cruel to Miss Phyllis, who knows what he'd do with little ones running around under his feet.  It's just too awful to think about!

Have you seen anyone resembling this chicken?  May be accompanied by 10 or 12 peeping youngsters.

Does this sound like a cheesy afternoon soap opera?  It's not. It's just the general plot points of my neighbors' chickens, who I have been watching while they go on a romantic cruise to the Bahamas. You know, I'm starting to realize that if you want peaceful farm animals, get sheep. If you want excitement and unpredictability, get goats.  And if it's drama you love, get some chickens. Holy moly.