Yesterday I was working behind the tasting room bar at the winery, helping out during a very busy Harvest Weekend, when I had a poignant moment. It was crisp morning, very autumn-y, with a breeze coming through the door; the kind of morning when you want to pull your scarf a little closer to your neck and retreat into the shadows with some hot tea or something (maybe wine, although 10 am is a bit early for it, even if my world) because you know winter is coming.
And I flashed back to my first winter working at the winery. There were many cold winter weekdays when we'd be lucky to get five customers in a day. Of course I knew I'd make virtually nothing in tips that day, but it didn't matter. Those kinds of winter days were the best. Often Chef would make some off-menu item for us to nibble on, there was light cleaning to be done or just reading Wine Business Monthly and listening to some good music while the rain drummed down or the fog lingered, as I stood behind the bar simply enjoying both the ambiance and the quiet as the hours ticked by.
It really was heaven on earth.
And it will never happen again, for (mostly) good reasons.
In the four years since I've worked at the winery, it's been "discovered." Our wines began winning some very deserved awards, and we also got a full restaurant license, enabling us to serve a full lunch menu for those passing through the countryside doing wine tastings. That's about when I morphed into being the Chef's Garden Manager, since at my age I just don't have either the desire, the stamina or the memory to wait tables. In the meantime, even more awards came in...word of mouth spread...and now our little winery is a definite hot star in the firmament of both wine tasting and food venues in the area.
And so my lovely little winter weekdays in the winery are no more, gone and never coming back. But it occurred to me that there has to have been ONE of those days in the past (probably sometime in Winter 2014) which was the LAST day the winery would be like that for me, and the last day I'd ever experience that particular slice of heaven. It was the moment before the change. And I simply had no idea.
Big Ag and I are still contemplating, planning and attempting to execute some big changes in our life (good ones) and it occurs to me that I will never really know when a "last" will occur -- the last run-in with an old friend in town, the last perfect sunset on that particular stretch of coast -- and like the chiché goes, I really should live more like each experience of anything may be my last.
The changes at my workplace are proof that it all can change. And in the larger world, this year we've certainly seen more disasters relating to climate change than I ever recall seeing before, which means there are people who literally had no idea that 2016 was the last Christmas they'd ever spend in that house, or October 6 was the last morning they'd ever walk the dog around that neighborhood. And don't even get me started on those who lost their lives, for whom there was a last time for every single thing they did.
It's just a reminder to all of us that no matter how tempting it is to focus on the future, we've got to stay in the present, especially the good parts of the present. Any moment could be the last one of its kind. And once it's gone, those moments, like the Passenger Pigeon or the Tasmanian Tiger, are gone forever, never to return.
May we appreciate and acknowledge those things when they happen and live them to the fullest.
Erik is good at keeping me grounded in today, as much as that is possible. I don't know which winery you work for but I imagine every small winery hopes for discovery and success. It does, however come at a cost. Beautiful photo.
ReplyDeleteThank you! The photo was taken from the house last spring. I think most small wineries do hope for success, but with success comes growing pains, no question, and I've seen many places get spoiled by success (in my eyes, anyway). Probably a good problem to have if you're the owner of the business though!
ReplyDeleteI think about this all the time! It’s funny how it becomes such a haunting thought once it begins to snowball in your head! Those early days sound just fabulous. It’s funny, I recently had dinner with my most significant ex and he was trying to remember the last time we had seen each other. He was three years off. Of course I remembered every detail and the date (yet can’t find my way home two minutes away), and he said “well I guess I just didn’t know it’d be the last time” to which I said “yeah, I did”. Haha! I probably think about it too much as much of my pressure on myself to make things nice comes from this shadow over my shoulder that it could be the last time for someone or something. Goodness I sound macabre for 9AM
ReplyDeleteOh, that is SO funny, but I totally get it! Sometimes YOU know the significance of something and record more of it to memory than others do, it's just so true. And I don't think that voice in your ear is too far off regarding anything being a potential "last time," how many stories have we all heard about that happening to someone...they said or did something never knowing it was the last time they'd be in that circumstance, for better or worse.
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