A what-a-tarian?

It seems like everyone I know is on a different kind of diet these days, to a point where I always make sure I ask each guest who is invited to my house for dinner what they can and cannot have. 

I cook for a variety of friends who can't have shellfish, are vegans, are gluten-free, or who are vegetarians. But often, what I get when I ask the "is there any food you cannot have" what I get are a list of food preferences, which I then have to honor because now it's been put on the table (literally).

What we rarely talk about is the hassle this is to those who host gatherings on a regular basis, especially since everyone seems into not having something or other these days. Please keep in mind I'm not talking about the person with actual food allergies, like to nuts or seafood. What I'm talking about is more of a food preference, which in these times is often presented as more of a demand, on the same level as the food allergy.

We have one friend, for example, who is gluten-free because her adult daughter has a legitimate gluten intolerance. But mom has never had a problem with gluten, and only wants to be gluten-free in case she was the one carrying the intolerant gene. Yes, that's right. She's never had a problem with gluten in her life but now feels she must be completely gluten-free. And so we all have to dance to that tune anytime we have her over for a totally gluten-free evening. (second helping of potato flour, anyone?) If you serve a gluten-filled side dish or dessert she'll fix you with snake eyes and say something like, "you know I can't have that." Well, number one: yes you probably can, and number two, you just don't want to. But we do.

I personally was a vegetarian throughout most of my 20s, because I dated a man who was. At Thanksgiving dinner, I'd have everything on my plate but the turkey. So the stuffing was made with broth? Big deal. Instead of announcing to everyone I wasn't having any (or worse, asking in a loud voice, "WHAT KIND OF BROTH DID YOU MAKE THIS STUFFING WITH?", I compromised and had the stuffing, a heap of potatoes, cranberry sauce, green beans and plenty of dessert. Skipping the turkey itself wasn't a big deal with that kind of spread, and I didn't make anyone feel uncomfortable. And I ate a wonderful meal. No tofu-turkey demands here. 

That's because my food choices should not induce guilt in my dining partners. When in Rome, have the Roma tomatoes, you know? Unless you have a legit Roma tomato allergy, in which case I'll eat your portion for you (because I'm a giver that way).

Nowadays we stick to chicken, fish and dairy in our house, but if we dine with friends at their home and they serve meat, I have no problem either eating it, or eating around it by having extra large portions of side dishes. (Big Ag eats plenty of meat at business lunches and dinners, so doesn't mind the chicken/fish options at home at all, btw).  

I've heard people with my diet are called "flexitarians" although that label seems more smoke and mirrors than anything else. And the fact is, I don't eat mammals anymore because eating something with a higher consciousness level began bothering me more and more, but I don't bring that up to the average friend or food server. It's just something I now try and live by whenever possible, which is about 95 percent of the time. 

The other five percent of the time, I can be flexible, for the sake of my hosts. We should all do the same. If you have a food preference, remember, it's just that -- a preference. And if you have a legitimate allergy, by all means let your host or hostess know. Dinner parties that end with the paramedics arriving are not the kinds of memories those of us who host parties what are generally striving for, you know?