Tuesday, December 6, 2011

These dreams





Everyone has at least one recurring dream or nightmare, and I had one of mine again last night.  I am back in college and it is finals week. I look down at my finals schedule and see several classes I have finals scheduled for which I NEVER WENT TO, not once, for the entire semester.  For some, I'm not even sure what building they are held in.  It's a terrible feeling.  I know I signed up to take these classes, and never dropped them, therefore I know I will be responsible for knowing an entire semester's worth of material when I go in and take the exam (if I can even figure out where the class is being held, otherwise I will get a zero on the test and a Fail in the class for not showing up).


What in the world could this mean?  I'm with Karl Jung on the subject of dreams, who believed that some dreams are meaningless -- mental chewing gum, if you will -- and should not be taken seriously.  But usually a recurring dream has a message within it that you need to pay attention to.  Obviously on some level, in some part of my life I feel as if I signed up for something and then never bothered to see it through, but that it's going to bite me on the ass in the end.  And it's important to me to do the work and figure out what the dream might be trying to tell me, if only for the reason that maybe then I can stop having it.  Truly, I'm tired of seeing the same sequence and feeling the same things -- regret over having signed up for classes I never went to, anxiety about being tested on things I never learned, and ultimately, dismay at ruining a perfectly good grade point average by committing the sin of not doing the work I was supposed to.  


There are large implications to what my subconsciousness could be trying to tell me, and none of it is very pleasant. 


My 20's and 30's are littered with things I started -- careers, relationships, ways of life -- that I never carried through on, but I've been a good wife, mother and all around person-who-can-be-counted-on for a long time now, so the ultimate solution to the dream is something I'm not too clear on.  What can you do in life, other than move on and keep the vow to do better? 

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